In my 20s, I was oddly committed to seeking out my orgasms from other people a notoriously unreliable source. I understand having to work through shame and body issues before becoming completely comfortable with self-pleasure, but I really recommend doing whatever unblocking you need to start to pushing your own buttons ASAP. But you have to promise to control your inner Cersei; a person can get drunk off this much power. The first tip comes from sex researcher and neuroscientist Debra W. Soh , PhD. This definitely rings true for me.

Porn isn't exactly famed for its realism. Women masturbate with legs splayed and backs arched, orgasming after a few minutes of frantic rubbing and moaning. But in reality, those positions aren't necessarily the most conducive to pleasure for women. What might seem hot in a male fantasy — which informs much of the porn we watch — isn't always close to what actually gets women off. I must admit, it hadn't occurred to me that the way I masturbate might have been influenced by the porn I was privy to growing up.

Powered by Shopify. We live in a time when the pressure to perform is a constant, and often unwelcome, companion. Even sexual expression, such an essential component of who we are as human beings, can fall into the productivity paradigm too easily. But what if we defied those expectations and opted out?